So you know the younger guy I mentioned last post?
I am not sure what to call him. Let us say his name is Leonard because that’s not his name. Also he is like a year younger than me.
How do I describe him? Probably like a billionth generation Canadian (not First Nations or Inuit though) from a very white Ontario town and obscenely rich. Some girls would think I just won the dating lottery or something.
He is kinda more into me than I am into him. I think he mistook me for one of those hardcore expressive females that are all over guys. It’s not like I am not expressive, but most of the time I am just contently apathetic.
Despite the fact I have known him for like week, he has no problem at all suggesting we go all the way after what I could call our first actually physically intimate half an hour (i.e. cuddling/kissing). I mean, I barely felt anything emotionally but he is getting quite intense quite soon. I am very indifferent to that. I’m not sure how to deal with his emotions, when he thinks I am just as emotionally attached to him as he is to me. I don’t feel apologetic for what could be interpreted as the hollowness inside of me.
I’m not gonna go on a whining rant about how I can never meet a guy who can really resonate with me emotionally because it’s not a necessity in my life. I am perfectly content doing quantum calculations for biological systems. I’ve never been so sure, so level-headed about this whole singlehood thing in a very long time. Fuck! I am complete on my own and that’s that!
What am I to do with this whole business? I’m probably gonna let Leonard chase me if he wants to, if not that’s cool too. I just enjoy the cuddling and the kissing. He might think there is something real there, but for me this is totally no-strings-attached.
In other news, I am turning 20 next week!
1 response so far ↓
ecrivain // November 8, 2009 at 2:41 pm |
Hmm…this whole thing reminded me of a conversation I had on a business trip recently. The guy I was having dinner with (completely work related, not a date or anything) was telling me about his ex-girlfriend, whom he had recently started seeing again. He admitted that he wasn’t really emotionally into her.
And that’s when I asked him, “So, why are you with her, then?”
I didn’t mean it in a judgmental way — I just honestly wanted to know why. And he didn’t have an answer for me.
He’s still with her, by the way.
Sometimes, maybe we’re too caught up in defining things. If this is something that works for you now — the kissing and the cuddling being quite pleasant — then maybe just accept that for what it is…and when things change (as in, it’s clear that he wants more in the relationship than you’re able to emotionally commit to), then cross that bridge when you come to it.