As a child, I didn’t have clear ideas about how exactly boys and girls are different (other than how they are different physically). I refused to accept the notion that there are different types of activities that males and females are somewhat expected to perform, and I did whatever I pleased regardless of gender norms. This might not sound like much of a big deal, but it has affected the way I think and act to this day.
I was kind of a tomboy. I didn’t like wearing dresses, or any sort of feminine clothing, I hated the colour pink (I still do) and was more interested in running around outdoors climbing trees and getting dirty than playing with Barbie dolls. I did enjoy some games of a domestic nature, but only in rare occasions.
As I was growing up, it was difficult for me to relate to girls. It still is. I am used to having a lot of guy friends and just being “one of the guys”. In the last few years, I have finally gained my share of female friends. I have one particular female friend, let’s call her Lucy, who is very similar to me in the ways of being a tomboy, and certain philosophies in life, but quite different in our ideals of femininity, and doesn’t approve of my adventurous nature (which often calls for breaking a few rules).
For whatever reason, females of all sorts like to confide things in me. I pride myself in being an okay listener and keeper of secrets, but sometimes I find myself extremely frustrated with fellow females, and their overly emotional way of thinking. Everyone knows that mentally men and women are wired a bit differently. I try my best to be empathetic to feminine concerns which I don’t share, and even try to see the reason in something I deem to be completely illogical, but most of the time, I find that my thinking is completely different from the usual female thinking.
My sense of feminine style is very fluid in nature. Some days, I enjoy being a complete slob. On other days, I like to wear nice dress shirts or things with a little cleavage. Whenever I try to be fluid with my style though, people are a little freaked out. It amuses me much because most are not able to understand the diversity in my nature. Lucy, in particular, objects whenever I dress feminine. It saddens me sometimes because she is such a close friend but most of the time, it’s just really fun teasing her.
Most young girls have “idols” so to speak, who they like to emulate in certain ways. I grew up without one, unless you count Marie Curie or Anne Frank as such. But in terms of style, I never followed anyone. In the last few years however, I have come to appreciate the ideals of femininity of other women, who are not necessarily like me at all. These include Grace Slick (from Jefferson Airplane), Patti Smith and Bjork. I have been a fan of what is often termed as “counterculture” in the ’60s and the ’70s. I really wish I was around in that time. I am a huge fan of original punk and in a lot of ways, the philosophy affects the way I live and think. Grace Slick is such a pretty and smart woman and is completely feminine. I can relate to Patti Smith well because of that part of me that thrives on the fluidity of gender roles. Bjork, is just delightfully novel and weird, and I really like her music.
My ideals of femininity however, are greater than the sum of these people and what they represent. I am still growing up and I am not sure I have reached the goal in terms of being the person I ultimately want to be. But it helps looking at other women, and seeing what they are like. I have come a long way from being just a tomboy, but I don’t plan on being completely effeminate ever. I’d hate to turn into one of those female emotional wrecks who can’t think straight that come to me for advise (What do I look like? A great wise old woman?).
That’s all for today. My thoughts have been weirdly muddled up while blogging so once again excuse the lack of cohesion. 
I shall leave you with some stuff that is currently inspiring my femininity:
